Dub Phizix is not on AIM
Is not into trance
Does not own anything made by Reebok
Has never been to Magaluf
Does not use the word “chillax”
Has never owned a glow-stick
Thinks marzipan is overrated
Has no desire to go backpacking
Has never “planked”
Is rarely early
Does not support the England football team
Is not a summer person
Does not get excited about wildlife documentaries
Does not use his Google plus account
Does not go crazy for Thai food
Did not buy in to the X-men hype
Does not own any hiking clothes
Would never end a descriptive sentence with the word “stylee”
Thinks modern furniture is rarely comfortable
Has never owned a gerbil
Does not live near the sea
Has never been skiing
Does not drink white wine
Does not partake in outdoor activities
Has never used the word ‘class’ as a synonym or as an alternative to the word “good”
Does not like his name being abreviated to dub
Does not mind “lol” as long as you actually did it, but thinks “rotflmao” is just ridiculous
Is not a fan of rugby
Does not like mushrooms
Did not laugh when he watched The Mighty Boosh
Does not eat cashew nuts
Does not and will never own a Samsung phone
Does not wear sunglasses indoors
Does not waste time making stupid lists
Is not embarrassed about enjoying “wind of change” by The Scorpions
Tends not to eat sushi
Does not have a double barrel surname
Would not select chocolate as his first choice of milkshake flavour
Does not want to hear about or see pictures of your baby, nor does he want to attempt to speak to it on the phone
Is not going to give you the stems for Marka
Is not a cat person
Does not think your overly bassy car stereo sounds good
Has always considered the word “tummy” to be for sissies
Is not a person you should leave around your crisps
Does not go out in fancy dress
Does not know anyone who drives a Smart carTM
Does not like coconut
Will not “Just pop you on the guest list”
Does not use the word random in a blasé fashion
Does not use the word blasé
Does not contradict himself
Does not accept unsolicited phone calls
Does not recycle
Does not feel guilty about the fact that he does not recycle
Will never own a man bag
Does not use sun beds
Does not moan about trivial things and is widely considered a jovial and agreeable character